Darts Report: Betws RFC v Welfare B

Betws maintained their impressive run of victories with a hard fought home win against Welfare B’ but due to technical difficulties, I am not able to bring you a full report. In its place, please find a series of Player Profiles to give you an insight into the high pressure world of the local darts league! This is followed by the latest League table showing Betws RFC on top.

 Arwyn Owen
AO is the long suffering captain of the team but maintains his commanding demeanour with his closely shaven looks and good dress sense! He cajoles his team into producing their best darts with such well chosen phrases as “Ty’n twli fel xxxx” or something similar. Keeps putting out what he calls his “best team” on the night but hardly ever picks himself. When not playing darts, likes to go hunting and shooting squirrels in Betws Park.

Arwyn Roberts
AW says he is happiest “laying tables” (or did he say “lying in stables”) when not playing darts. He is a keen follower of the “gee-gees” but will never make a fortune with his 10p each-way bets. Come to think of it, he wouldn’t make a fortune with bigger bets as his horses seldom finish the race let alone win! Says his favourite pudding is “Pear Belle Helene” or could that have been another misquote! Thinking about going into the catering business!

Terry Davies
Articulate, philanthropic and altruistic – just three more words that TD doesn’t know the meaning of! When not playing darts, can occasionally be found in the grounds of the local comprehensive school were he is sometimes employed to assist Martin in looking after the place. Made an application to change the school motto to read “Look and Learn” but this was turned down. He is in the process of publishing his first book entitled “The Terry Davies Little Book of Ballsed-up Quotations”

Tony Archer
TA is the team’s token Englishman but despite this drawback, he is the only one on the team that can throw well after being out “on the tiles” every day! Likes to tell people that he’s “climbed the ladder of success” more than anyone else in the team but a night in the company of TD soon brings him “down to earth”. Lists his interests as farming and doing things with sheep!

Jeff Thomas
JT is an intelligent, good looking, well-liked sort of guy, who gets on with everyone in the team. He never puts himself first, and will think nothing of cleaning up the mess left by the other team members. He even does the paper-work for the whole club in his spare time and spends the rest of his time composing crap like this. When not playing darts can be found in the Tumble area doing goldfish impressions.

Emrys Wilcox
EW is the only player in the league who can “hook” or “slice” when throwing darts. He insists on calling it the “tee” and not the “oche” and has been heard to shout “fore” when a dart bounces off the wire. Keeps saying “I’m back”, but no-one dares ask him where he’s been! In his spare time he cuts hair while thinking what he’s going to serve the boys when they come up for his barbecue!

Don Griffiths
DG would be the best player in the league if he could sort out his shoulder problems! Keeps saying that this is going to be his last season but there are rumours around that as he’s played rugby with his sons, he wants to play darts with his grandson. Good idea DG - at least there’ll be one in the team for you to beat! Joking apart, his partnership this season with EW in the pairs has been a revelation.

Alan Smith
AS, or ET as he is sometimes known as, used to fight fires for a living but says that it was nothing compared to beating down the flames of discontent fuelled by the erudite observations of TD each Tuesday night! Proud to tell anyone who pretends to listen that he’s got the highest out so far and was the loosing finalist in the “Turkey Darts” but actually Al, who gives a toss! Is a First Aider in his spare time, but not even he has been able to sort out DG’s shoulder! Favourite TV programme is “On the Buses”.

Mike Towell
MT is proud to be a Morriston “Monkey”, but is more commonly know as the Betws “Beast”. Has become a keen birdwatcher and caused his wife some duress when he confessed that he’d been using his binoculars in the bedroom to look at the tits in next door’s garden. Mrs Jones next door has complained to the police but perhaps she’d be better off keeping her clothes on! Is also a renown table-tennis player but his darts should improve if he stops throwing them with his backhand!

Gwilym Davies
It has been said of GD that he doesn’t have the stomach for big time darts any more, but I defy anybody who sees him to agree with that! Semi- retired now, he will only turn out for the big matches but will always give his all, and he has a lot to give! Enjoys his pint on a Tuesday night, but if the beer is off, will be quick to tell the steward - after he’s drunk most of it.

Ronnie Richards
RR, or Ron Gun as he is normally referred as, is the Team Manager. The team doesn’t need one, but he is afraid that Pat won’t let him out on a Tuesday if he didn’t tell her how important his presence was. What he tells her he’s doing on Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays is a mystery!

Chris Morris
CM is this season’s newcomer and has been the only good thing that AS has brought to the club this year (only joking Peter!). As with AS, CW also fights fires for a living and his current record stands at 12 wins, 10 defeats and a draw, the latter being when a chip pan fire came back strongly in the final rounds. Has held his own in recent singles matches but would throw better if he used both hands to hold the darts!

 Alan Williams & Rhydian Murray
Both AW and RM have played the occasional game but there is a rumour that they are thinking of going into opposition to Peter Comley as everyone in the club keeps mentioning the fact that the both of them are always “on the bus”! AW is the part-time Steward at the Club (only joking Al) and RM is the Rugby Fixture Sec and 2nd XV Physio and takes his duties so seriously that he even broke his own leg once so that he could practice. Such devotion to duty!   

 The League Table shown below shows the league positions as at 18th December, since when Betws have beaten Welfare B and therefore extended their lead. Highest out is our own Alan Smith with 116!